Waiting on Heaven’s Doorstep – My First Novel

It took me twelve years.

Twelve years, twenty rewrites, and God knows how many late nights at coffee shops to get to this point, but I’m finally finished.

My first published novel:

This has been a very personal project for me. Not just because of the amount of time and work I put into it, but also because it represents a journey that almost all of us have or will go through at some point, and that’s how to say goodbye to a loved one.

It’s an experience I certainly went through (and have gone through a few times now), and a day I can remember vividly: coming home to my dog of 12 years in the process of dying.

That morning, all I could do was sit next to her and shed a tear, wishing we could share one last run together… wishing she could have one more chance to be a dog before we had to say goodbye. During that moment, I prayed to God. Not so much asking him for that chance, for it was a wish I didn’t deserve, but it was more that I talked to him… I lamented the inevitable loss of my dog, and the devastation I felt. I guess in the end I knew he wasn’t going to grant me that wish… it was just nice to have somebody to talk to.

As the day progressed, there were a lot of strange events that shaped how I would write this book, starting with going to the gun range with my sister’s boyfriend at the time to blow off some steam, to even having somebody mention to me in a half-serious way “I can help you put her down,” which led me to consider for a moment, “is this something I need to do,” and “if I were forced to be the one to put her down, how would I do it?”

With so much going through my mind, I needed to get away—needed time to process. So, I did what any normal person would do: pop in a little Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” and run.

And that’s what I did. I started running… for miles.

During that run, each song that played invoked a different emotion. I was confused, then scared, then sad, then angry—FURIOUS! Fury that manifested into a dead sprint, leading me to almost barf on the side of the road.

Then, there was a sense of emptiness, but strangely enough, as I wrapped up my run, there was even some resolve. And as the days and weeks went on, more strange events took place. Events that were almost too coincidental…

Almost as if in an unexpected way, God listened and answered my prayers… just not quite the way I imagined he would.

It was a combination of events and emotions of which I felt compelled to capture. So, I started writing.

At first, I had no idea what I was doing, and no idea this would turn into a novel, which is partly why it took so long. But looking back, there was also a lot of growth I needed to go through in order to tell the story properly. After all, I started writing as a young professional in my 20’s, and though on the outside I was successful, there was a large part of me that felt discontent with life, almost as if the world I was sold wasn’t what I received.

Since then, I’ve gotten married, had kids, have had the privilege of living in a few different countries, and even went through a few miserable global events that I’d rather forget about.

But those experiences were an integral part of me to start my journey back to my Christian faith, which lead me to read the bible cover to cover for the first time. And for the first time in my life, I was finally able to understand the true meaning of love and the power it has.

And that’s what’s at the core of what this book is about: A story of a young man, which during such a despairing event, embarks on an emotional, physical, and spiritual journey and rediscovers the true meaning of love and the power it has to overcome death and bring hope in the darkest of times.

So, if you’ve gone through this experience before, this book will remind you that you are not alone.

If you feel or have ever felt stuck in life and not sure how to move forward, this book will give you hope to climb out of that valley.

And if you simply enjoy a good coming-of-age story about love and redemption, I think you’ll appreciate this book, for it speaks to many of the struggles those in my generation have gone through (and likely you may have gone through) in life.

If you are interested in supporting me and purchasing a copy, this is available on amazon.com (link here). I would love for your support and for you to share with friends, family, and anybody else who you think would enjoy this book and benefit from its message.

Lastly, I can’t end this without a slew of thank you’s:

Silverdale Starbucks (Bucklin’ Hill Road) homies – thank you for making me feel at home all those years by inviting me in and serving me while I worked on this. If you worked there and ever served me, feel free to send me a message, and I’ll hook you up with a copy.

To Chanel from Athens – Thank you for being the first to read this book. It meant a lot to me that you took the time to read this and your feedback was extremely valuable.

To my old man for doing a big proofread/copyedit job for me. Not only did it save me lots of money, but much time and energy was put into helping me get across the finish line.

Oh, and my bud Damian too, for doing a few last minute quality assurance checks.

To my teachers of the past, Mr. Healey and Mr. Black (may you rest in peace). Thank you for planting the seed of storytelling at a young age (for I wasn’t always a kid who enjoyed reading and writing). You have been inspirations not only to me, but to all those who you taught.

And last but not least, thank you to my wife and her support, especially this last year as she watched the kids, allowing me to take time to go down to the coffee shops to wrap this project up. I couldn’t have done it without her.

And of course there are a million other people who I could (and should) thank, but unfortunately, it’s impossible for me to remember everybody and give them the credit that’s due. Fortunately, there’s a Big Guy upstairs who knows this stuff, and he’ll reward you accordingly, whether it’s in this life or the next.

So in general, thank you all for your support, and I really hope you enjoy this book, and I’m so glad that after 12 years, I finally get to share it with you. And if you’re able and willing, please leave a review on amazon.com. Reviews are one of the biggest things that help independent authors like me get exposure and share the story with the rest of the world, so your willingness to review means the world to me.

If you have any questions about the book or have questions (or are interested) in learning about writing and the process of writing a book, please leave a comment below, as I would love to share with you my knowledge and experience.

Thank you all again, and may God bless.

Sincerely,

Zachary Michael Andrews

Waiting on Heaven’s Doorstep is Available on Amazon:

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Turning Point: Charlie Kirk took the bullet I deserved

I never considered myself a huge Charlie Kirk fan. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the guy and appreciated his work, and would occasionally watch his content when it popped up on the algorithm, but I never followed him on social media. So in a way, it’s strange how much I’ve been mourning the death of somebody I never knew. But after the initial shock, I understood why I was so crushed by the news, and why many others were as well.

Charlie Kirk represented people like me. But even more than that… he was among the best of us.

And if I’m being honest, I saw in Charlie Kirk a better man than me. I saw a man who didn’t give up hope, even through some dark times. I saw a happy warrior, someone with the courage to go straight to the battle of ideas with the wisdom. He had the emotional intelligence to not just defend his ideas, but to sway others to his side in a positive manner. In Charlie Kirk, I saw a man who emulated his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and though he probably made plenty of mistakes in his life, he looked to be much closer to Him than I certainly was.

Which is why the enemy, aka Satan (for he truly is the enemy of all of us), had him murdered.

A year ago, I was faced with a difficult choice. A choice that tested my faith… a test I failed miserably. It was pride month, and my office I was overseeing was tasked to put up a banner in honor of it. Though I have friends with people who consider themselves among the LGBT community and try to show love as best as possible to them, as a Christian man, I’m called not to take part in those activities. I’m called to take the narrow road and to make those hard decisions in obedience to God, even if it costs me friendships, money, or my job. During that time, I prepared myself to have a talk with management about it, telling them I needed to respectfully abstain from participating. But when it came time to meet, I cowered out. I didn’t bring it up, and ended up going along to get along. In ways, I acted like Peter when he denied Christ those three times before the rooster crow.

I’ve thought about that incident several times today, how I allowed that event to crush my spirits. And while I kept my head down and stayed out of the fight, people like Charlie Kirk put the team on their backs. He was out there battling when very few others would—when the rest of us had already given up. If Charlie were in my shoes, he wouldn’t have been a coward. He would’ve done the right thing, because it’s what he did his whole life.

And his reward? He doesn’t get to kiss his children goodnight ever again. He doesn’t get to watch them grow up. He doesn’t get to grow old with his wife and have the joy of seeing his grandchildren. Instead, he got a bullet.

And what eats at me more than anything about this, is that it’s a bullet I deserved, not him.

It’s that thought that has brought me to tears more than once today for a man I never met. I can only imagine it’s the same reason many men like me have also found themselves weeping. In Charlie’s short life, he inspired millions, changed minds on his campus travels, and built one of the most influential political organizations in the world. He was so influential, that it’s difficult not to compare him to another man who only made it to His early 30’s before he was murdered. A man who died the death we deserved! A man who lived the sinless life that we could not. A man who out of a love we did not deserve, took it upon Himself to take our sins and die the most excruciating death on the cross.

Now, if Charlie were alive today, I’d be willing to bet he would never compare himself to Christ. Yet, I can’t help but reflect on both their lives while feeling a weight of shame with my own. Shame that I haven’t shown the love, courage and obedience to my Lord and Savior that Charlie showed in his. Shame at how much I’ve squandered my talents while Charlie faithfully carried his out. And perhaps most shameful is through a grace I don’t deserve, I’m still here. Despite my failures and disobedience, I was able to eat dinner with my family tonight, pick my son up from the bus stop with my wife, and lay my daughter down to sleep, all things Charlie was deprived of through an utter act of evil.

Romans 8:28 states that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose,” a verse that reminds us that even through tragedy and evil deeds done to believers, God finds a way to use those events to ultimately glorify Him. And with that, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Charlie’s organization was named Turning Point USA.

2,000 years ago when he saw the resurrected Christ, Peter turned from a coward, into a courageous man willing to die for his Lord and Savior, so much that when he was crucified for spreading the gospel, he requested to be done so upside down, stating he was not worthy of being crucified like Jesus. This too can be a turning point for us. This can be a time to reverse course, put down our idols and comforts, whether it be Netflix, Fox News, X, the NFL, or Call of Duty, and confront the evils around us to make our communities a better place for our families.

There is no doubt we live in dark times, and for millennials like me, we often reminisce about life in the 80s, 90s, and 2000s, wishing we could go back to simpler times, times when the world seemed so much more peaceful, and much more… easy. When those thoughts pop into my head, every now and then, I’m reminded of wise words told by a far wiser man than I could ever be:

We are put here on this Earth and at this time for a reason. And with that comes a great opportunity, for although the enemy may have killed Charlie Kirk, they did not kill His spirit, the same spirit that flowed through Charlie, a spirit I believe is flowing through many of us today. We have an opportunity to go out into the world, to honor and serve Him. To spread the gospel. We have an opportunity, like Charlie Kirk, to hear the words, “well done, good and faithful servant,” from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Let’s go forth and make a difference in this world. Let’s become the men and women we were called to be.

-GC

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Kalispera Kai Kali Vrathia

September 14th, 2024

Good morning, Rich.

I’ve been up since around 3 or 4 AM this morning. My little girl has been up since around 4 in the morning, and who can blame her? She’s probably just as jet lagged as I am! So, I took her out walking around early in the morning, and it hit me. I can no longer say Kalimera to you, for returned home a few days ago.

I know it’s home, and the US will always be my home, but these Greeks, they were good to me. And let me tell ya, Rich, I’m already missing the heck out of them, and for a while, I just won’t be my regular self.

These guys I worked with… Let’s just say I’d bet you get along with em’ just fine, sort of like how we get along with our buddy Mike. Because no matter how much of a dingus he can be, by golly, he’s still family, and we still love em’! And that’s the same with these guys as well. They were family to me, and I loved them as if they were my brothers and sisters. I just hope I get to see them all again, whether it’s this life or the next.

I put together a little slideshow of the memories I had in Greece. You’ve probably seen most of them, but it’s a good summary of my time here. Just looking at it and listening to the music brings a tear to my eye.

Rich, I’m not one to get sentimental, but I’m not one to lie either, and the truth is, I’m going to miss this place. The people, the functional madness that somehow keeps things running, the beauty of the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, the white and blue buildings on every Greek island, Taking my son to the cafe on a Saturday Morning for some spanakopita, A cappuccinos and lattes for $2.50–Rich, let me tell ya, I went to Starbucks this morning for a latte… over 6 dollars and 50 cents! I couldn’t believe it! And the service was terrible too! I walked in, and they didn’t serve me for almost 5 minutes–let alone acknowledge I was even there! Last time I go there–See, I haven’t even been here a full day and I’m already worked up!

I suppose the moral of the story is, we have it pretty good in the States and like you, I’m darn proud to be an American, but at the same time, I can really learn to appreciate different cultures, especially ones like Greece. After all, they did influence a lot of what became of western society, so we have a lot to thank them for. And if you ask any Greek, they’ll swear that every word in the English language comes from Greek words (and that’s the honest truth, not just a joke from the Big Fat Greek Wedding movie)!

We’re home for about a month or so, and then it’s off to our next adventure, South Korea. So far, I hear good things, and it’ll be great for the kids. Dennis Rodman raves about the North, but from what I hear, it’s hard to get in. Apparently, it’s so good, that most people don’t ever leave, but you know me, I’m not really into those types of crowds who think there better than everybody, so if Mr. Kim Jong Un wants to be exclusive, then so be it. I’ll take my money where I’m welcome.

I got one last token of appreciation for my Greek travels coming your way. I know how much of a coin collector you are, so I have this one coming your way. I know it’s not Navy, but the Marines aren’t so bad, and if you serve the country in uniform, then you’re alright with me.

So, although our Greek adventures have concluded, we have some new adventures just around the corner. Korea will be different, and it surely won’t be Greece, but I think it will be good, and I’m looking forward to sharing the stories with you.

So until next time, as the Greek’s say, “Kalispera kai kali vrathia!”

And of course, I can’t end this without a clip from one of the all time most famous Greeks, Zorba!

Oh, and when you do make it out there, Rich, make sure they teach you how to dance…

Very respectfully,

Zack

PS: If you enjoyed reading the story of our Greek Adventures, please consider checking out a copy of my book “The Significance of a Birthday”. It also makes a great birthday gift, not just for children, but for people of all ages!

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Idolatry and the NFL – How Our Worship of Sports is Ruining the Experience

Taking a quick detour from my Greek adventures, as this has been blowing up on social media and been sort of eating at me.

There is a clip going around of a Packers fan (a young woman) being berated by an Eagles fan, or who I will term “bully” who proceeds to call her an ugly “See U Next Tuesday” if you get the reference.

What it's like going to Philly just trying to root for your team…

Unprovoked, uncalled for. Packers twitter, help me out and find this guy…. this is not okay

I hate that my fiancé had this happen simply cheering for her team pic.twitter.com/aiHCKzxrSS
— Alexander Basara (@Basaraski) January 13, 2025

***Warning, harsh language***

Lately, I haven’t been commenting on these types of things, for there seems to be plenty of that on twitter and other social media sites, but I came across a clip from Matt Walsh, who berated the woman’s fiancée for not “defending her honor.”

I usually appreciate Matt Walsh’s commentary, for I do believe there are many places in today’s society that require a no-nonsense approach to solving issues, and his deadpanned style of humor can actually not just be informative, but quite entertaining in some of his documentaries. But one foible of his I’ve noticed is he seems to lack grace with men in certain issues, or at least that’s the perception he gives, when I think grace is required as we live in a fallen world.

Also, in this particular commentary, I think he misses the broader picture, something that’s an even greater plague on our society, which is the idolatry of this game that so many of us are wrapped up in. And when I say “us,” I’m including myself, for I can be just as guilty as everybody else.

First, let’s talk about manliness and defending your honor. Unfortunately, like he mentioned, the clip that’s shown doesn’t share the entire story. There could’ve been an altercation between the two prior, and the guy filming could’ve had a few extra words to say after he stopped recording. But judging by the woman and the fact that she was sitting in front, it’s hard for me to believe she did anything egregious other than being a typical fan rooting for her team. And let’s just assume the man recording left it at and didn’t say anything the rest of the game to him. I’m tempted to say “I would’ve done this, or that…” but doing so would simply be Monday morning quarterbacking the situation, of which there’s already enough of that going on.

But the question remains, should he have gone and punched or physically assaulted the bully in the face and risked going to jail or the hospital?

I think it’s worth nothing that in these situations, we should make a distinction between being courageous and being stupid. If you’re on a date and take a wrong turn down a street and suddenly, you’re surrounded by a group of dangerous robbers, one of whom insults your wife/fiancée/girlfriend. Should your first reaction to attack him? I would say no, for your duty is to get her out of harms away above teaching that guy a lesson and live to fight another day, of which attacking one of them would simply rope you in to doing exactly what they wanted you to do.

And though going to an NFL game is a little different, the concept still holds. The woman and her fiancée were in a no win situation, surrounded by people of which were he to act as Matt suggested, he would be giving in to exactly what the bully wants, which is to create a situation where he could easily beat up a fan of the opposing team with little repercussions, with the excuse “he threw the first punch.”

But while people can debate whether or not the guy filming violated the man-code for not defending his fiancée’s honor, I think the better question is, “where were the other men?” The bully was apparently with his two friends, whom were surrounded by several other people, of which more than half were also men, who sat around couldn’t care less as a woman was being called vile names? Nobody had the gall to say, “hey bud, knock it off!”??? We can harp on the guy filming all we want, but when it comes down to it, he’s closer to powerless in this situation than we would like to believe, while being surrounded by people who actually have the authority to step in and correct the bully’s behavior. And I’m not even suggesting physical confrontation, but imagine if another Philly fan went over to him and said something like, “before we are Packers fans or Eagles fans, we are human beings, and we don’t treat people like that!” That guy probably would’ve been a bit humbled, maybe even apologized, and would probably still have a job, for it’s said that the company he works for has since terminated him as an employee.

I think if we take an honest look at ourselves as men, there are times where we’re in positions of authority for others who do not have that power, and at the risk of being uncomfortable, we simply do not act. And I know at least for myself, I can do better.

But the broader issue at stake that is mostly ignored here is the idolatry of our sports teams. And I get that there’s many forms of idolatry in this world, but I think it’s safe to say that the NFL, being as big as it is, is one form that has captured many of us.

I specifically remember taking my wife (then my girlfriend) to a Packers/Redskins game a few months after we started dating. I did my usual routine of getting super excited, drinking a little too much, hooting and hollering and heckling Redskins fans and players, and overall acting like a fool, something I easily got away with as a single man (or more appropriately, a single boy). The next day, she made it crystal clear that I would not be acting like that ever again.

And she was correct. My behavior was childish, and looking back at how I acted as a fan in my 20’s and early 30’s, I’m a bit embarrassed to say the least. The arrogance I displayed when my team won, the meltdowns I publicly had when they lost, and in my more “matured” response, I would talk as if my team was the center of my life, which is the definition of idolatry, and as a Christian man, I was breaking that commandment day in and day out. Through marriage, having children, and also living outside the US for the last couple of years, I’ve thankfully been able to take a step back and not make football the center of my life. But although I may not publicly display it, in my heart, there are times when those feelings of hatred and animosity towards rival teams’ surface, and there’s no good reason for it.

It’s this idolatry that causes people like the bully in the video to talk to that woman that way, because his sports team, “must be placed higher than anything else, and anything that gets in the way of this must be torn down, belittled, and shamed.” It is literally the worship of a sports team, and being that the Eagles have only won one Super Bowl, it is worship that will let him down more often than not (as it will let down all of us, no matter what team we root for). It’s forms of this idolatry that prevent people from doing the right thing, because doing so may make us uncomfortable and violate whatever the idol commands against, which in this case, includes diminishing the sacredness that comes with rooting for our team.

A point was also made that, “you should simply not take your fiancée to an Eagles game period.” And to a certain extent, I get that, for I probably wouldn’t take my son to an NFL game until he’s near adulthood for that reason. But how sad is that, that we’re starting to collectively accept that a professional sports game is no place to bring your family? I can remember how special it was as a kid when my mom and dad took us to a Mariners game and getting to see Ken Griffey Jr. hit a home run. And now as an adult, I feel that I won’t be able to give that experience to my children because some adults may ruin it, again, all for the sake of idolatry? And imagine if we held this standard all the way? “Oh, we can’t go to Billy’s high-school football tonight because he’s playing an away game, and the fans say disgusting things to our wives and children…” That would not be tolerated on that level, and the same should go for the professional level as well.

I’ve heard Philly has a reputation, as seen by this video of a Viking’s fan (and mind you, that I am certainly no fan of the Vikings), which I would hope the leadership in the Eagles organization and the NFL would make strides to correct this, for it’s making ordinary people akin to rabid animals in the wild.

Again, language warning

But even if it doesn’t exist to this extent with other NFL franchises, other forms of idolatry still do. We let these teams control our emotions, our behavior, how our weeks, months, and years will go, and we act like it’s the center of the universe. I say, let’s try to find something else to put front and center, my recommendation being Jesus Christ. And I get that not everybody is a Christian like me, but there are certainly other things we can put before football in our lives, our family and friends being one.

Until we do that, football, and sports in general, will continue to become less and less enjoyable to watch, both for the bullies and the innocent among us.

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Kalimera! Fall 2024

September 12th, 2024 – France… No Wonder They Call it Les Misérables!

Kalimera, Rich. I wish I could tell you I was in a better mood, but the times have their way of catching even the best of us off guard…

We just got back from this place called France, and boy, what a dud! Everybody acts like it’s the bee’s knees, but you saw just as I did on the Olympics when that freaky lookin’ blue guy showed up! The warning signs were there, but unfortunately, the wedding would go on with or without us, and there was nothing I could do about it!

Let’s get this out of the way first and foremost. French babes, waaaay overrated! I know it doesn’t matter to us since we’re happily married men and all, but if it came down to it and I had to choose, I’d take a good Greek woman over them, any day!

And whenever they have lunch or dinner, it’s like it takes 3 hours just to get through the dang meal! It’s like they take a bite, then talk for 20 minutes, then take another bite, and after one course is done, it’s more waiting and more talking! I mean, let’s get with the program guys! I have things to do and people to see!

And that’s another thing! The food ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be either! The cheese smells, I ask for a steak and they give me this pate crap, but they have this stuff called “foie gras,” which I’m sorry, but I’m not impressed! I think there was only one restaurant here that was worth the trip for me, but the wife was in a hurry to get out of there, so I barely got a picture of it for ya.

You and me, Rich… we’re good ol’ fashioned meat and potatoes types of guys, and I’ll hand it to the Greeks, they do meat and potatoes probably as good as anybody I know! Just give me a nice hunk of souvlaki, a side of fried potatoes and a nice pint of beer and I’m satisfied!

Oh, and here’s the worst part! Look what they did to our bags!

My bag, toast!

Sunglasses? Toast.

iPhone cord? Done for…

Nice shirt? Well, it was…

And worst of all, LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY GREEN BAY PACKERS SHORTS!!! HOW COULD THEY DO SUCH A THING?!?!?!

Completely unacceptable. I mean, how does something like that happen? And just imagine if this was Mike and his Eagles’ shorts? Geez Louis you wouldn’t hear the end of it! I bet ya he’d be complain at the office for weeks!!!

Oh, they also ruined one of my wife’s handbags. Not sure what YSL stands for, but all’s I know is she was even more upset than I was!

Well, at least I could salvage a few moments with some pictures…

*Oh, and Grandma and Grandpa got to come visit as well, so I suppose that’s all right…*

And to add to the craziness, we get back in town with only days left to spare, and this dude shows up!

I’m not sure what all the fuss is about. I mean, we’re already running around like a bunch of chickens with our heads cut off! The last thing I need is some hot shot coming around making things worse! He did like my Green Bay Packers lanyard, so I guess he was alright in the end. Probably heard good things about Wisconsin and would like to visit someday. Who knows?!?!

Well, gotta go finish packing. Looks like I’ll be up for a while. Wish me luck!

Part 15: Kalispera Kai Kali Vrathia.

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Kalimera! Summer 2024

July 8th, 2024 – Malakas and the Cave of the Apocalypse

Kalimera, Rich!

I hope you had a good Independence Day. You know the deal over here about the 4^th. It’s not that they hate it, but just don’t understand the significance of it all like we do. So, instead of trying to fight it, I took matters into my own hands and headed to this place called Patmos.

Now, most people like our buddy Mike would go, “another Greek island, big whoop!” Especially since you have to sail your way there. The trip was like 8 hours long!

Got into town at like 2 in the morning!

But let’s just say that I’m glad you’re much wiser than our Eagles obsessed friend of ours, because you know just as well as I do that Patmos ain’t just any normal island. It’s the place where St. John saw the apocalypse and wrote all about it in the book of Revelation! You know, the battle of Armageddon, the white horse? The red horse. The black horse… THE PALE HORSE!!!

No joke, I went to that place and stood in the cave where it all went down! And I would’ve taken some pictures for your sake, but the priests at the church there told people not to. Is it a sacred place of which pictures would adulterate its holiness? I’d say so. Were people breaking the rules and taking pictures anyway? No doubt about it. But all’s I know is, when an Orthodox Priest asks you to do something, I ain’t gonna argue with him, especially in the eyes of God. When it comes time for final judgement, that’s one less thing I have to answer to, so you bet your sweet tush I was on my best behavior!

Story has it that after they killed off all the other disciples from the bible, they tried to take out St. John by boiling him in a big pot of oil. But guess what? It didn’t’ work! I’m not sure if he even got hurt! So instead, they exiled him to this place, only for him to write about the end of the world. But take a look at the views! I hope the jerks who tried boiling him alive felt like a bunch of suckers after it all, cause that’s what they are! Rich, I don’t care how terrible you are, I would never imagine boiling somebody in oil, not even the worst Eagles fan in the world!

They also had a monastery up there, and boy, did I feel at peace up there, just like when I went to Meteora. Now this was the vacation I was looking for! A little time to soak in the atmosphere, enjoy a beer or two, and just… relax.

It was almost the perfect short trip, until I ran into a couple of malakas on the ride back home. I walk into my sleeping cabin on the ferry and pulled down my bed only for this guys to get his panties in a twist and confront me with a stern, “BRO!” I just stared at this turkey and his friend, who thought their muscles were bigger than their brains. “Like, really? You’re mad about me coming into a room that I paid for? Why didn’t you get your own room ya dingus!” After a short conversation, he acquiesced, and I crawled up into my bed. But Rich, I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. I don’t know what’s with these kids these days. It’s like nobody ever taught them how to show a little respect! He’s just lucky you weren’t there, cause if that guy talked to you the way he talked to me, his bottom would’ve been beaten cherry red! Luckily I made it home safe and sound without any further issues.

August 16th, 2024 – What’s the Deal with Wildfires?!

Kalimera Rich!

First off, sorry for taking so long to get back to you with a proper update. I thought taking care of one child was hard enough, but man oh man, now that I have two, it’s a hand full! And let me tell ya, you ain’t foolin’ this one. She means business.

Now, I know I have a bias, but I think there’s a good argument that this is the cutest little girl in Greece!

And don’t forget about my other dude. He’s still into that Thomas the Tank Engine, but now he’s also got his eyes on tractors, bulldozers, excavators, and the likes! That’s alright for a guy like me. Better he’s into those than princesses and ponies and stuff.

And for the most part, he plays pretty well with his little sister, although there are times he doesn’t quite understand his strength and is a little rough with her, of which I can completely relate. I remember all’s I wanted to do was practice some wrestling moves I learned on the TV on my little sister, and two powerbombs and a suplex later, she was screaming bloody murder all the way to my mom and getting me grounded for it! I’m tellin’ ya Rich, us guys don’t have it easy, but I suppose it’s just the burden we bear… the price we pay as part of growing up… for becoming men.

Second, and most important, thanks for checkin’ in on us with regards to these dang ol’ wildfires going around. The good news is that we’re all safe now and things have subsided for the moment, but boy did it get a little scary there for a minutes. Just check out this picture!

That’s right outside one of our embassy houses, which wasn’t even one of the ones that got a mandatory evacuation order! One of the houses was just a street away from getting completely burnt down! Luckily for the family, the fire couldn’t quite get over the road, so the house was spared.

But get this, when our safety coordinator went over the next day to survey the damage, there was this 90-year-old broad out there with her watering house still fighting the thing off! Apparently, she didn’t get the memo, and let me tell ya, by the way he described it, she had some thoughts on these fires, and she wasn’t gonna let anybody tell her to leave her house (if you ask me, it sounds like a certain Eagles fan we know…)! I guess when you’re 90, you reserve the right to do what you want, even if it is standing your ground against a wildfire. And who knows? Maybe she’s the reason why the place didn’t get torched after all?!?!

As you can see, they got some dry grass and underbrush over here which doesn’t help anything, but worse than that, you have all these hooligans running around, smoking their cigarettes and being careless. And get this, some of em’ even start the fires on purpose! This generation, Rich… I don’t know what’s going to with them. I’m starting to think it was partly our fault for not spanking their bottoms black and blue when we had the chance…

Only one month left before we head home. Let’s just hope we can make it back without any more drama…

September 3^rd, 2024 – The Corinth Canal

Alright, we had to get one last Greek vacation in before we depart. And what else were we going to do? The movers came by and took most of our stuff away, so we ain’t got nothing in the house.

So, we decided to go to the beach again.

And on the way back, we stopped by this place called Corinth, where they have this thing called the Corinth Canal. And I can’t lie Rich, there’s not a lot that impresses me these days. But this… this was impressive!

Get this, they even built this back in like the bible days, where all the technology was ancient and stuff! You gotta hand it to the Greeks, or at least the Corinthians, they were ahead of their time. And you know, speaking of the bible, I think there’s a book called Corinthians in it. I sort of wonder if they’re related, but it’s probably just a coincidence…

Anyways, the little dude liked it, and get this, they had these people doing bungie jumping in the middle of it as well! Now I’m sure as a young sailor, you would’ve done something like this to impress the ladies, but thank God I don’t need to do any more impressing, because those guys are crazy! I’ll leave the thrills of bungie jumping to you. I’m going to pass on this one.

Well, I have to go to this place called France next week for a wedding. And just between you and me, I have a bad feeling about it. I don’t quite remember where it was said, but I hear that:

A: the French are A-holes and…

B: that French babes don’t shave their pits!

Not good. Anyways, pray for me and wish me luck, cause I’m gonna need it if I’m going to survive!

Part 14: Fall 2024

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Kalimera! Spring 2024

May 19^th, 2024 – The Colossal Weight of Vacation

Well Rich, it turns out that vacations aren’t quite the same when you have 2 kids…

I know what you’re thinkin’. “Wow, that’s a nice picture!” Well, let me tell ya, it was a miracle we were able to get that one, because we just got back from this place called Rhodes and I feel like I need a vacation from the vacation! That trip wore me out! I mean, when you go on vacation, you’re supposed to be sitting on the beach, drinking a few beers, hanging out by the pool, eating a bunch of fancy food, and all in all relaxing the days away. I even tried to make it easy by staying at a resort near the water for a couple of nights, and well, apparently, that was too much to ask. No kidding, for the entire time I was there, it was like I was doing everything I could to prevent the little ones from getting us kicked off the island! And finally, after all the screaming and running around and one is finally ready for a nap, it’s the other’s turn to wreak chaos. Geez Louis! I seriously could not catch a break!

*The one and only picture I could take before all hell broke loose!*

Oh, and to make matters even worse, the night before, I accidently ate some bad lamb and ended up doing some barfing all night! I knew I should’ve listened to Niko about ordering lamb from a restaurant on Easter…

And that’s another thing. Last year, we made a big hoopla about Orthodox Easter. But since we were flying out on a vacation the next day, we settled for the Easter bunny this year.

Anyways, remember how I told you how much the Greeks hate the Turks? Well, apparently back then, it was even worse, because the big deal with this place was since it’s so close to Turkey, they built a giant castle on the edge of the island so they could shoot at them and fight them off whenever they came by. And well, I suppose it was a pretty good castle, because it’s still standing today. And actually, if the kiddos were behaving for a minute or so, I could actually enjoy the place a little bit. I mean, they had shops inside, restaurants, museums, and all sorts of other medieval stuff. Even a few places to get a beer or two. And you know me, Rich. I’m not the fanciest guy in the world, but I’m not a barbarian either, so if it came down to it, given the right conditions, I could spend a few more nights in a place like this.

Oh, and here’s some smarty pants talking all about the island.

Oh, and when I was reading up on the place, there was also supposed to be this giant statue called the Colossus where this dude stood on each side of the bay and all the ships that came in had to go under him. Apparently, it was so big, that they considered it a “wonder of the ancient world.”

But, when we got there, he was nowhere to be seen, and when I asked around, the word was it fell down a couple thousand years ago or so, which in the end, I think I’m alright with.

Not that it wasn’t impressive and all, but can you imagine having back in your navy days pulling into port and having to go under some guy’s dirty crotch? What kind of sick mind devised such a thing? And what if you had kids on the boat? You’re telling me they were forced to be exposed to that? Den Nomizo Taki!

Good riddance, Statue of Colossus. I for one am glad you were toppled years ago. And now that I think about it, if I was a Turk and had to go under that thing, I’d be pretty pissed off at the Greeks too!

Sheesh.

June 23^rd, 2024 – The Hot Hot Heat Calls For Hot Sausage!

Kalimera, Rich!

I guess today is officially the first day of summer, but if you were over here, you’d swear it’d been summer for the last few months now! Holy moly did it get cookin’! So much that we just had to get out of town for a little bit. And this time, I’m glad we did!

Now Rich, you know I won’t be here forever, so if you come and I’m not here, you gotta meet this guy Niko. Not only is he my best bud over here, but he is a grill master. Just take a look at him on the bbq! It’s not every day you come across a rock star like that!

He invited us to his villa in this place called Agio that’s on the coast of the Gulf of Corinth. Not only did he make us lambchops, which is my favorite over here, but and he had this sausage… You know me, Rich. I’ve been to many a sausage fest in my life and tasted all different kinds. But his… I don’t think I can remember a better tasting sausage if I’m honest with you. It was just so flavorful and juicy… I mean, it was like a party in my mouth! I’m tellin’ ya, you gotta try it. So, when you head over, give me a heads up and I’ll get you in touch with Niko so you can taste his sausage. You won’t regret it.

And I’ll tell ya, we were lucky to have it as well! That day they had record temperatures in the Peloponnese along with several wildfire alerts, which happened to be the day that these two hunks decided to go to grace the beach with their presence. Coincidence? I think not!!!

We also made it down to Kalamata, and I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, isn’t that where those olives I buy at Costco are from?” And the answer to your question is, yes. But if I told you we went down for the olives, I’d be lying. Sure, they’re great and all, but a three-year-old could care less about some slimy olives. All he wants is trains. Train, trains, trains.

So, we went to the biggest train park in Greece, on the hottest weekend of the year. I’m glad he was having a good time, because I was struggling! I think I went through about 3 or 4 coke zeros and Schweppes sodas just to get through the afternoon!

Though you can complain about the heat, you can’t complain about the views. This was our dinner that night. I don’t care what Mike says. You can’t beat this!

Part 13: Summer 2024

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Kalimera! Winter 2024

January 24th, 2024 – New Year’s Eve? More like New Year’s Bust!!!

Rich, it drives me nuts, but every year, people make this big deal about New Years, and every year, it just lets me down. And to nobody’s surprise, this year was no different.

Here in Athens, instead of doing a ball drop, they have fireworks that go off over the Acropolis, and it’s supposed to be a big deal. You know me, I don’t get all the hoopla, but the wife really wanted to see it, so I agreed to go, and let me tell ya, worst decision we’ve made since we’ve been here.

We got a hotel next to this place called Monastiraki Square, which in the day time, it’s crowded, but manageable as long as you don’t have to drive through it.

A quick tour of the square in case you care to see what it looks like.

But on New Years, it was just a bunch of hooligans running around and raising hell! They were playing loud music all night, lighting off firecrackers, climbing on things, getting the police agitated, and frankly, I think most of them probably had too much to drink, especially for how young they were. So all we could do was just stay in our hotel room and wait it out, thanks to these turds!

This was the crap we were dealing with!

Man was I miserable or what. The kids didn’t appreciate it either, for they had had enough of it long before I did. Boy oh boy was that little one cranky. Why, I think it was way past midnight before any of us got to sleep. Good grief!

And the worst part, we waited all night, and when it was time for the New Year, we couldn’t even see the fireworks. It turns out we were on the wrong side of the Acropolis! All that waiting for nothin’.

Oh, and to put a cherry on top, we all ended up getting this thing called RSV. And because my daughter was so little, she had to go to the hospital for a few days! I mean, first COVID, now this!!! I should’ve known better.

The good news is that since the year started off so bad, we could only go up from here, which we managed to recover enough to throw a birthday party for my son. It was at this place called Gymboree, and he and his friends had a blast. Got him to run around for a few hours, which meant after he was done, he got a nice nap, and as a parent yourself, you can never complain about that! He had a nice little cake to eat too.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of him, but he likes this guy named “Thomas the Tank Engine,” and let me tell ya, him and his friends are crazy. Always crashing into things, always causing confusion and delay. Luckily, nobody gets hurt in the show, but he can’t get enough of it! He’s singing the songs, getting all the trains, and why, he even knows all their names by heart! I can’t lie, he’s starting to impress me a little bit.

Oh, and my Packers surprised me with a playoff win as well! Man did they put up a whoopin’ on the Cowboys! You should’ve seen it Rich, I mean, they straight up embarrassed them! Man, do I feel sorry for all the Cowboys fans out there…

Err, I mean. My condolences Rich, for your Cowboys. Look, to me, it’s almost as if I didn’t even want to win the game, and if it were up to me, we’d be playing the Eagles so we could both be rejoicing and sulking in Mike’s misery. I guess it’s just a cruel world we live in, pitting good friends against each other. And as much as your hurting right now, I may be feeling your pain in a few days when we play the 49ers. I have hope but man, they’re always giving us a hard time!

All in all, it’s been a tough year so far for both of us, and ain’t that the truth! It’s always build up, build up, build up. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Then, New Years hits and bam, it one big let down. I suppose it has a purpose though, for one of em’ has to be the bearer of bad news in the group. Well, we have a few more months of winter left ahead of us, so plenty of time to hunker down and recover until the Spring is here. And I for one, can’t wait.

Until then, take care of yourself, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t let the turkeys (or in your case, the Eagles) get you down.

-Zack

Part 12: Spring 2024

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A Kalimera Christmas, 2023!

Kalimera Rich,

It’s been a while since I’ve written, but it’s a sensitive matter, because let’s face it, I think you’re the only guy who would understand. And besides, our buddy Mike is a little slow with his reply’s (not like you were), so I need to speak to a reliable source, somebody who won’t let me down. Am I disappointed in him, yes, as we all should be, but I can’t be too hard on him for at least he had the decency to give me your personal email.

But, as I predicted last year, nobody stepped up to the plate. It was a tough job, but somebody had to do it. So, I put my big boy… or I suppose you could say my big red pants on, and…

That’s right. I was Santa this year.

And let me tell ya, Rich, that’s some risky business, although I’m not telling you anything you already know! Some kid tries to tug on your beard, another tries to trick you into saying you’re “not the real Santa (and like they even know!),” and you should’ve heard what some of these kids were asking for! Why, this one girl who landed herself on the naughty list, Rich I kid you not, asked for “a nuclear bomb so she could blow up her brother’s room.” I don’t know about you, but back in my day, saying something like that to the big guy would give you a lifetime ban from the Nice List. Oh, and the worst one I had… get this. I asked this little boy what he wanted, and he said to me with a solemn face, “I just want my mom and dad to stop fighting.” I don’t care how many years you’ve been on the job, good luck coming up with a good answer for that one!

But you know what, the reward greatly outweighed the risk. I mean, check out the service I had rolling into the ambassador’s house…

Talk about a reception!

That’s right, police escort service, and boy, you should’ve seen the reception. I was the biggest celebrity in Greece that day! Man, the kids were lining up, giving me hugs, excited to talk to me! Even the ambassador wanted to shake my hand, and he’s got it good with the President! And I never realized this, but the ladies were pretty fond of Santa as well. This particular one had a penchant for becoming Mrs. Claus.

All in all, I can say that we’re in a short list of people man enough to step up and do the job. But boy does it feel get to be in such upstanding company. There aren’t many like us left in the world Rich, but thank God we exist, and as long as I’m still here, well, I find it my duty, and my honor, to serve my country in such a dignified role, and I’m darn lucky I had your mentorship over the years to prepare me for this moment. I couldn’t have done it without you, though I do admit, I did find some “how to” videos on the internet that showed me how to be a good Santa.

As for our buddy Mike, I’m afraid he’s been a bad boy this year, forgetting to write Santa back. Expect plenty of coal in his stocking. But no need for you to worry, Rich. I’ll make sure you have plenty of presents under the tree this year, now that I have a say.

Merry Christmas!

-Santa

Part 11: Winter 2024

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Kalimera! Fall 2023

December 6th, 2023 – What’s with all the Olive Oil???

It was a relatively calm Sunday morning, at least as calm as it can be for a wife in labor. For the most part, there was a lot of waiting. And waiting. And… “Hey doc, it’s around lunch time. Do you think I have time to grab a bite to eat?”

“Oh yea, the baby probably won’t be here for at least a few more hours, so go ahead and run up to the cafeteria.”

“Ok, great,” I think to myself, as any normal man would having just been permitted to eat food. I make my way up there, and as I’m causally strolling through the café with a pizza-like pastry in my hand, “because why not? We have a couple hours to kill, so it’s not like I’m stressed. But wait, what’s this?” As I’m about to pay, my phone rings. It’s the doctor. “…Hello?”

“Hi Zack, the pregnancy is moving a bit faster than we originally thought, so no need to rush, but as soon as you finish your food, go ahead and come back down to the ward.”

“Sure, no problem. Again, not going to stress, just going to finish this pizza snack and head back down. I mean, you heard the guy, right? No need to rush. So no, I’m not going to—”

Not even a minute passed, and the doctor is standing in front of me. “Zack, the baby’s coming! We gotta go!” Apparently, things were changing at an exponential rate! Or the doctor’s wife, who also was serving as the midwife, had a word or two with him and made him act accordingly. But long story short, I scarfed my pizza down, ran to the ward, put my scrubs on, and got ready for prime time.

We’re working through the process, but 2:30 rolls around and my wife is in need of some extra motivation. “So, Zack says he’s going to buy you a new purse if the baby is delivered by 3:00,” the doctor says to my wife.

“Wait a minute… purse? Who said anything about a—”

“What kind of purse?” she asks.

“A Coach purse!” I quickly blurt.

“Did you say Channel?”

“No, I said Coach, A—”

“Oh my gosh, Channel, I can’t believe it!”

“No, not Channel, NO—hey, what’s with the olive oil? Why are you pouring it—JUST HOLD ON A SEC—”

So, at approximately 2:58 PM on October 22^nd, our daughter Teigan Hazel was born.

It wasn’t long before she was in my arms and I was doing my best to welcome her into the world. “You know who she looks like,” asked the doctor’s wife as I rocked her back and forth.

Suddenly, my heart stopped, and a cloud of anxiety grew heavy over my mind. “Oh no, please don’t say Rich… please don’t say Rich…”

“She looks like her father!”

“Phew!” Talk about a huge relief!” And Mike, I think she was right. I mean, I know my little dude’s a good lookin’ guy, but her. I can’t even!

And you know, at first when I discovered I was having a girl, I was a little worried, especially with all the bad boys in the world. But after seeing her face, I gotta say, I think I’m going to be all right. Just promise me that if anything happens or if I’m in need of a pinch, that you and Uncle Rich will be there to look after her! I mean, I am a little worried about her spending too much time with Rich, and God forbid, becoming a Cowboys fan. That would be one grumpy baby! But dang it, there aren’t that many men I trust in the world anymore, and if it came down to it, I know I could count on him!

But Mike, let me tell ya, she already knows! I think she’s asleep and ready for bed… nope! She wants to be in daddy’s arms. And I try to sit down for a short while… nope! She wants to be standing! She’s barely just a girl, but acting like a woman who knows what she wants and won’t settle for anything less! Pray for me!

And don’t worry, we’re still getting the little guy some love! Just last week, he got all dressed up for the embassy Halloween party! I think he came out pretty well too. Even snagged a picture with the ambassador and the second in command! Not bad for a 2 year old!

The holidays have been keeping us busy, trying to keep up with the little ones and all. Took a nice little trip to this place called Kalavryta, which I guess is where people go to ski in Greece, except you wouldn’t know it from the looks of the place. I mean, we’re getting to December and where’s all the snow?! At least the farm we stayed at was nice.

Oh, and our little one is starting to figure who this Santa guy is and what he brings to the table, so we’re trying to get him in the spirit a little early this year. They set up a Christmas village right after Thanksgiving, and well, all I can say is the Greeks don’t shy away from chaos! Regardless of the stress we went through, we had a great time.

And speaking of Santa… you guys remember what happened last year. I can’t lie, I’m getting a little nervous. I mean, there’s not many who can do the job like it’s supposed to and… well, I don’t want to spoil the mood for anybody, for we should be rejoicing!

So don’t be shy! For all his faults, our good buddy Rich would send me lots of updates. And I don’t want to say you’re slacking or anything, but you are Magic Mike after all, so I know you can make it happen!

Respectfully,

-Zack

Part 10: A Kalimera Christmas 2023!

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